Homework overload gets an 'F' from experts

Homework overload gets an 'F' from experts


I'm surrounded by bugs chirping and frogs making some weird mating call- you guessed it, I'm visiting my Mom in Citra. It's just me and the girls this time, and we're having a blast minus a massive ant assault against Sophia, but that's for another time.

I just wanted to take a moment away from my mounting pile of online homework to comment on an article I read today about homework (funny, ain't it?).

 "Kids who do more homework actually perform worse on standardized tests, according to research by Sydney University educational psychologist Richard Walker, author of the forthcoming book, Reforming Homework: Practices, Learning and Policies".

Is it just me, or does a big "NO S-word!" spring to mind when those nifty researchers inform us that loads of homework do just about no one any good. As a middle school -and heck, even an elementary school- child I was up well past midnight some nights completing my homework (in tears, praying I wouldn't fail, mind you). Did I learn much from my homework? Heck no. Did it stress me out beyond belief? Heck yes (we won't go into my school-induced anxiety here).

I'm already a little worried about how much homework teachers are going to assign, as my oldest child is just starting his school career in kindergarten this year. How much is too much? In the education course I've taken, one of my best teachers suggested no more than 10 minutes of homework per night. That sounds reasonable, but it doesn't sound realistic. At least not from the vantage point of a former student. With pressure for not only students, but teachers to perform with limited budgets and time, homework seems like it's the teacher's back-up for work that cannot be completed in class.

The article cites another organization that goes with this 10 minutes of homework rule, but per grade level. Is it just me or does that seem like an awful lot?  I don't think any 10 or 11 year old needs to spend nearly an hour of additional work at home every night after school, a  time out for bad behavior is less time than that (if you follow the rule of one minute per year of age)! When homework begins to be excessive, children will become disinterested, not perform their best, and likely not retain much of the information.


"Other organizations -- such as the National PTA -- go with a policy supported by Duke University social psychologist Harris Cooper, who advises giving students about 10 minutes of homework each night, per grade level starting in first grade. According to Cooper's recommendation, a fifth grader would have about 50 minutes of homework per night."

So, how do I get my kid's teachers to lay off the homework? I doubt I can. Hopefully he'll get some teachers who at least read this article and keep the out of school "learning" to a minimum.

When Play Feels Like Work

When Play Feels Like Work 

A Guest Blog by Kassandra Brown of http://parentcoaching.org 

Our children love to play. Play is how they make sense of their world, how they put on different identities and start to learn how to synthesize a cohesive self-image. Play can allow a child to be a dragon, a firefighter, a midwife, and a mother all before lunch. Power dynamics are explored through play as are negotiating and decision making. Play has intrinsic value. Play is not just for children playing with each other. One of the most important people who can play with your child is…you.

"I'm too busy and tired to play."
freedigitalimages.net

 So why is it so hard to do?

There is something about playing with children that is difficult for most adults. This is a secret and it shouldn’t be because children deserve and want to be played with and adults deserve and should be able to get the support they need to make that play fun for all.

Top 5 Reasons We Don’t Play:
1. “I don’t have time.” This is the most often cited reason for not playing with one’s own kids. If there are basic survival tasks that aren’t getting taken care of every day, it can be really hard to come up with time to play. But wait a minute – how much time did you spend with TV, Facebook, or chatting on the phone? How much time driving your kids to scheduled activities and playdates? I’m not saying you’re bad for doing those things, but it does make the argument of ‘lack of time’ less plausible.
2. “I’m not good at playing” Many of us have learned through years of being molded by our own parents, schools, and jobs that the way to succeed is to be good at something. Play is unfamiliar and awkward. Please, try anyway. Allow your kids to see you goofy, uncoordinated, and real. It helps them love you and love themselves while delaying onset of the non-stop inner critic.
3. “I just don’t want to.” If we were told “Be quiet!”, “Sit still!”, “Don’t make a mess!”, it can be really hard to break free of those message and be loud, mobile, and messy with our own children. Instead, it’s almost impossibly easy to pass this repression right along to our own children unless we get loving support to hear our own unmet needs and re-parent ourselves.

"When I feel heard, play is fun for me, too!"
freedigitalimages.net

4. “I’m too tired.” Sometimes my jaw cracking yawns and heavy eyelids make it very clear that I don’t want to be playing. I often don’t sleep enough and really am tired. Yet this tiredness goes deeper. A part of me resents how little time I have for myself. “No”, says this part, “too much. They are asking for too much and not giving enough back.” This is especially true if my children have just been fighting with each other or refusing to hear me when I ask for help cleaning up the house. Listening to my own needs and taking time to meet them helps me come to my children with more clarity and less resentment, even if I’m still tired.
5. “When do I get mine?” As much as most of us don’t like this voice there is a part of us that resents playing with children when our own needs are unmet. We have a need to be seen and heard. In his book Playful Parenting Lawrence Cohen speaks about how adults need to talk and be heard. He suggests coordinating with a good friend who agrees to be really honest with you. The two of you trade speaking and listening to one another. A good therapist or coach can also be a great option. When our own unmet needs feel more heard, we are able to hear our children much more clearly. Then play becomes fun again.

Kassandra Brown listens deeply to parents, helping meet their unmet needs to play and be heard. She believes that play can be fun again – for everyone! Learn more at http://parentcoaching.org/practicingparenting  Kassandra is offering a special gift to the first six people to contact her.

Teaching my Childhood

I haven't done a head stand in years. I've never had the upper arm strength to do a hand stand, but I spent countless hours leaned up against a wall in my childhood home practicing my head stand technique. While my Dad watched sports or something else equally uninteresting to a five-year-old, I leaned the back of my body against the white walls in our living room and taught myself to balance.

One of my cousins taught Richie how to do a summersault maybe a year or two ago. Tonight, during our "exercise" I asked Richie to show me what exercises he knows, and of course it was the summersault. My husband suggested he try doing a head stand and boy did he try. He ended up doing more of an "upside down bicycle" as my husband calls it. I helped Richie do a real head stand with support. Then, without hesitation I said, "Do you want me to show you how I do it?"

I've always thought modeling was one of the best ways to teach anything (I'm a somewhat visual learner). I didn't really stop to think if I could still actually do a head stand. Lucky for me, I could. I don't think I've ever been any cooler. Seriously, go ask your Mom if she can do a head stand and get back to me, because she must be a real cool lady and I need to know her. Richie and Lily squealed with delight at the sight of me upside down. My dismount was calculated and, even with children scrambling closer to get a better look, I managed to get myself right side up without wavering my balance for a second.

When you've had years of practice, it's hard not to make it look easy. So, I said to Richie, "You know, when I was your age, I used to practice all the time. I'd find a space of wall with nothing else around it and use it to stabilize my body while I practiced. Do you want me to show you how?"

Of course the answer was yes. I cleared a nice spot in between our front door and cat scratch-post, and showed him how to do it. I'm now imagining countless hours of an upside down Richie in that space. My fondest days with my children are always ones like these- days when I get to show them and teach them something new that they love, just like I loved it when I was a kid.

In Between it All

I've been trying to write an entry for about 4 days now, but just don't seem to have a whole lot of time to really get it done. Between vacation with the family and a very work-intensive online course, mixed around with a little bit of work work, I was swamped last week. In fact, I'm still swamped and right now I should be working on the last 800 words I have to write before 5:00PM and studying for a test at 9:00AM.

This week, between managing my classes, the kids, work, and everything else I'm supposed to be doing, I am going to tell you about our vacation and all the fun and terrifying moments I experienced. Until then, enjoy a cute picture:

Independence Day, as you can see, my children picked
their own outfits an accesories- you do not need
a beanie in July in South Florida.

My Best Friend's Baby

Me and cutiekins <3

For about five years or so, I've been waiting for my best friend to have her baby. It's not that they've been trying to have one for this long, but simply that since I had my first child I wanted to share motherhood with my best friend.

Luckily for me, she's one of the good friends that doesn't drop out of your life because your circumstances are now radically different. She was steadily on a path to marriage and family while I got there a bit quicker. Although I no longer had the time or luxury to go out as I pleased (come on, finding a sitter is tough and can get pricey- big thanks for family baby-sitters!) we still managed to stay connected.

Usually, I'd call her or she'd call me and we'd inevitably miss each other. One of us would eventually call back, sometimes it would be a month before we spoke to each other again. But that was O.K. We knew that there was no malice or intentional avoidance of the other and understood that our schedules just didn't mesh the way they used to.

I was one of the first people to find out about my friend's pregnancy. It just so happened I messaged moments after she read her pregnancy test. I was so excited I could barely contain myself. I knew and still know she's going to be an amazing mother.

So, I've often talked to my friend about how I just can't lie and say a baby's cute if it's not. I mean, technically I'm sure I could- I just don't. That's not to say I every whisper to a new mother, "Wow, your baby sure is ugly!" I just usually say something along the lines of "What a nice baby," or "What a quiet baby." I don't know what it is, but I just can't muster up the words to call a baby beautiful if I really don't think it is- and let's face it, not all babies are beautiful to everyone.

Lucky for me, my best friend's baby is gorgeous, and I made sure to let her know it. Big thanks to her and her husband for letting me be a part of a beautiful day welcoming a truly beautiful baby into the world. Love you, guys!

Guest Post: Only Real Men Have All Daughters, Or Is It Just Mad Men?

Fathers that have all daughters face some major challenges. Dealing with multiple girls, and resulting parties, shopping, and inevitable dates and having to respond to boys can test the long term sanity of any man. However, a father that is willing to not only manage, but actively enjoy having all girls is one to arguably be admired. From displaying infinite levels of patience, through to being able to put together parties, to bonding and being inspiring, fathers face an ultimately rewarding challenge with their daughters. That’s not to say that there won’t be awkward moments along the way, but rather that it’s this mixture of the extreme and the enjoyable that makes being a father to daughters so worthwhile.

1 - Infinite Patience

Being a father of girls is, like being a parent of any child, mostly about being patient. From babies waking you up at 4am, to toddler tantrums, right through to teenage arguments, men are going to have to take as much as mothers in terms of the noise and the shouting (even when it’s not necessarily directed at you). Having the patience to deal with problems, and the perseverance to keep on going when nobody’s in a good mood are some of the best qualities in a father. Having a girl, or multiple girls, might mean that you get more of the same complaints and arguments as they get older, but doesn’t mean that you won’t be able to fall back on the same patience.

2 - Getting Parties Right

One of the more specific things that fathers have to deal with is the kids birthday party. Having a few daughters can make these more competitive than anything else, although the end result is the same. Dozens of little girls and boys scrambling around a house, or stretching the definition of a damage deposit somewhere else. One of the many things that a father has to juggle at these parties is the power of veto over outlandish ideas. Ponies might make a birthday party special, but they can also lead to cleanup problems. What’s important to remember is that kids parties should be a joint effort with a partner, family or friends. Few men are brave enough to take them on alone.

3 - Bonding

A great thing about being a father to girls is that you can be silly without necessarily having to give up your masculinity. Having a daughter means, much in the same way as having a son, that you can play peek a boo with impunity, cry at pet funerals, and get involved (at a safe distance) with gymnastics events, ballet classes and horse riding.

4 - Inspiring (But Not in a Cheesy Way)

Being a father to girls means being a male role model, even if that only means doing the simple things right when it comes down to being honest, answering questions, and just being there when help is needed. It might not always feel like you’re doing or saying the right thing, but most of the time you kind of default into doing it by being around.

5 - Accept That It’s Going To Be Hard When They’ve Grown Up

It’s a sad fact that a little girl is probably going to be a stroppy teenager, or at least a teenager that has occasional stroppiness. Fathers can get the brunt of being an embarrassing parent, even when they have the best intentions. Accepting that there’s probably not much you can do to avoid this is important, as is throwing in a few self deprecating jokes every now and again.

Rob James is a father of four girls, who loves magic birthday parties.  The first children’s party he organized was a disaster, however over years he has learnt to throw very successful events.

Sans Anxiety

I can't remember the last time someone other than my mother called me a genius.

Tonight, I received a message from an old high school friend (who is quite intelligent herself, and doing mighty fine when it comes to life in general) saying that I was a genius and asking my opinion on a topic.

I'm no genius, but I like the compliment. I'm sure my mother likes the fact that it validates her wonderful opinion of me. In the same day a Political Science instructor suggested I become a lawyer or politician (I laughed and said "No one would vote for me, c'mon, I look like a child!") and complimented my amazing grasp of the concepts. Is something in the water?

But lately, I've been feeling tons better about me. I hate the drive to Boca, but I love going to political science classes again. It gets my blood moving. I've got a lot more on my plate lately, but feel like I've been taking larger steps in organizing my time and getting things done before deadlines. Amazingly, my stress levels have been managed pretty well and I have yet to have any major meltdowns.

On the Agenda:

• Two classes over the summer; one is face to face, the other exclusively online. Three more in the fall and FINALLY graduating with my BA. Can I get a holler!
• New VP of Membership for my local MOMS Club
• Creating a monthly newsletter for my MOMS Club
• Working on my re-writes for a really cool project
• Working from home
• This blog
• All the stuff that comes with wonderful kids, husband, and family (and all the not so wonderful aspects like dishes and laundry)
• Finances. And basically just being more on top of when things are due and where money is going.