Quicksand

An old employer from say 3 years ago has been persistently asking me to please please please come back to work. She was in a bind recently, needing someone to cover 2 days (a  total of about 5 hours) so I finally said yes. I figured the pay is really good, I could use some time out of the house, and we could make it work. My husband could simply not schedule work for those times and everything would be okay.

Now, I'm second guessing my decision.

Basically, I am teaching teens who are in a drug rehabilitation facility. I used to teach English there. I actually really enjoyed working there. And although I look more like a client than a teacher, the kids give me a lot more respect than you'd expect. This go around, I'm basically a long-term substitute teacher for math. I haven't done more complex math than long division in years. I mean, I used to be really good at math. I did Geometry in eighth grade and was in classes with juniors and seniors in ninth and tenth grade. I did pretty much everything except Calculus (even just the word scares me). I'm rusty, but I manage. Anything I can't answer I just have the kids save for their actual teacher.  I can tell you this- I'd much rather be teaching these kids English, or Social Studies, or ANYTHING but Math.

I've been able to get to work just fine, and even enjoy teaching the kids, but I just don't know if I'm taking on more than I can handle. I'm working with my husband and our company. I'm doing work for my father-in-law. I'm going to school, raising a family, running a blog, and potentially becoming a board member of a Mom's group. After a mere two days back to work (and not a whole lot, might I add) I'm already beginning to feel like in a month or two I may have one of those mental break-downs I have when I put too much on my plate and I can't stomach it all. I don't want to get to the point where I'm crying because I have a term paper due and all these other responsibilities and feel defeated before I even start.

I like to say yes more than I say no, but I can't help but feel like this instinct is what gets me into this emotional quicksand where I feel like I'm slowly sinking and I know sooner or later I'll begin to panic.