Today is one of those days that I wish I was working and not staying home with my kids. Nothing dramatic happened, just the usual, "Oh, it's nap time? Watch us not sleep and continue to make excuses and convince you if we do it this way magically we'll sleep." Why I allow myself to believe they'll actually sleep if I give them what they want escapes me. I know it's not true, I know it's not going to happen. Yet, I continue to let my big kids manipulate me when it comes to nap time. I am a sucker.
Then, of course, I'm left with anger that the magic didn't really take place. Who can I blame? My kids of course because a 4-year-old and 3-year-old promised me they'd sleep and how awful they didn't keep there promises. Am I insane, am I an idiot? Of course they didn't keep their promise, they're 4 and 3, duh! So I raised my voice and took out my frustration on them, telling them to just go and do whatever they wanted because they obviously didn't care about nap time or listening to me and OMG I am awful.
I took a minute, composed myself, and promptly apologized for my poor behavior. I told them I was sorry I got frustrated and that I raised my voice and that I wasn't upset with them. I was upset with myself for giving them control over a situation that I should be in control of. I like to give my children choices, but I shouldn't be giving them choices where none exist- where any choice they make is ultimately going to lead to me losing my cool and them getting into trouble. The only feasible choice they could make to avoid this would be to instantly go to sleep. No small child is going to think, "Oh, Mom gave us control of how we do nap time, let's be angels and lay down and sleep now." They will think, "Mom has no backbone, let's see what we can get away with until her insides explode." I set myself, and my kids, up for failure, and for that I really am sorry.
I've got a lot of hard work ahead of me to regain nap time control. It's going to be a battle, and probably all uphill, but once I reach the top I think things will be better for everyone. I can't get upset with my kids when they're not doing what I expect, when I'm not showing them and telling them what I expect. I'm a Mom, not a doormat, so I should stop letting my kids use me as one during nap time.