You Are Awesome

We all have bad days.
We can just hope tomorrow will be better.

Today I took the girls to a local children's art museum with a friend and her kids. They all had a blast. Before leaving, we all sat outside to eat a snack. The kids ate and then ran around playing "Catch me if you can" for another twenty or thirty minutes.

Every so often, I'd have to call for the kids to come back over. They weren't going beyond boundaries or out of sight, but rather they were getting dangerously close to an older child.

The child, maybe ten years old, was screaming and throwing things. He progressed to knocking over heavy metal chairs. The mother, stood silently, every so often removing thrown chairs that her son might hurt himself on. To some, it may have just looked like an unruly child, with a parent who refused to discipline. I knew better, I knew this was a calculated response- an intentional response. Even if the child hadn't been throwing chairs and other random things, I would have still insisted that our children maintain their distance for the mother's sake. They were not going to make the situation any better and probably would have made the older child lash out more as a response to their intrusion.

After about ten or fifteen minutes, the ten year old calmed down enough for his mother to start talking to him, and encouraging him to go into the library located inside of the museum. She told him she was going to videotape his trip to the library and pulled out her phone. She sang a lovely little tune about the library. She clapped and cheered him on. I wanted to clap for him too, for getting himself calmed down and moving on with the day, but I didn't.  I just looked at his mother and flashed her a genuine smile. A smile that I hope reassured her that at least some of us understand, that even if we aren't exactly in her shoes we know kids have bad days. We know that sometimes the best thing you can do is let them calm themselves and then move on. We know that some days are more challenging than others and that she handled the situation with grace and dignity.

Mom at the museum, you are awesome. You are inspiring. You are amazing. I know you probably get a lot of stares when you go out and your child has a meltdown, even though you've done everything you could to prevent it. Sometimes you probably feel like people don't think you're doing anything right, and you might feel that way about yourself after a particularly trying day. If I could  tell you one thing, it would be that you are doing a damn fine job- don't let anyone's glaring eyes or snarky comments ever make you feel otherwise.

Bad News Bears

I was obnoxious last night. I was screaming and jumping and all around hysterical- and I wasn't the only one. All of us parents were... at least on our side of the field.

My son's t-ball team hasn't won a game all season. Last night was our second playoff game, our last shot. Our team took the field first, and all of us parents agreed there was no possible way we were going to win, and at least the season was over and we'd have one less thing to drive back and forth to every week.

Somehow, someway, we managed to get three outs on the other team before they reached their five-run limit. They only got four. Our team went up to bat and we got five. We all started to get a little optimistic. Please just let them have this one win. They deserve to know what it feels like to win, even if just once.

Games are six innings or an hour and a half, whichever comes first. We managed to stay in the lead through the fourth inning with only fourteen minutes left on our time limit. We had to play another inning, and all us parents could think was, "Please, PLEASE, don't let them get any outs on us." We only needed three more runs to win it. We made it to our five-run limit. The game was called. We won! 

We all jumped and screamed, and well, we may as well have won the world series. Finally, after months of losses and maybe one tie, our kids could feel the sweet taste of victory.

Last night, those kids were the Bad News Bears, and the neither we nor the other team ever saw it coming.

Life Almost Lost

We were sitting at the kitchen table- just So, Daddy and I. Daddy had just returned from a trip to Panda Express and the three of us were eating lunch together. He got So what she usually gets: orange chicken with fried rice.

Daddy took her plate away to cut up her chicken and she freaked out. The sky was falling, the world was ending, and if he didn't cease and desist immediately her head probably would have exploded. He gave it back, and she started to devour her food. "Take smaller bites, honey," I said. "Don't put the whole thing in your mouth, take just a bite." Within a second of the words escaping my mouth it was happening. She was choking.

She grabbed her throat like you would expect an adult to and she was gasping. She made no sound. I freaked out. How do you do the Heimlich on a two-year-old? Where are our cell phones? It seemed like an eternity passed. I rushed across the table, grabbed her up, bent her over and started whacking her back with the heel of my palm, as her entire life flashed before my eyes.

My husband yelled, "Don't hit her back!"
"Yes, hit her back! Call 911! NOW!" The only thing I remembered from my emergency training when Richie was born was how to hit a small child on the back in an effort to dislodge the food or whatever else was stuck in their throat.
Daddy frantically looked for his cell phone for what felt like hours.
"NOW! Call them NOW!" I thought So was going to die. I felt incompetent, weak, and small.
"I'm trying!" He didn't know where his phone was and he looked desperate.

As soon as he found his phone, So started to breath again. Tears ran down her eyes and she whispered, "Mommy."
"Can you say it a little louder, honey? Say, 'Mommy,' loud."
"MOMMY!" she exclaimed.

I have never in my life been so happy to hear the word Mommy yelled at me. Usually, it's for a drink of water, a lost toy, a different pair of shoes, or some other menial task that no one but Mommy can seem to help with. This time, it was life. Life that I thought was going to be lost. Life that I couldn't live without. 

Tress Chic

One of my hobbies, before R2 was born, was making jewelry. Earrings, bracelets, necklaces. I bought some books and magazines when I was in eighth grade and slowly built up a bead and equipment supply with gifts from my mother and money I made from a few after school jobs in High School. I've made considerably fewer pieces since having children. It's a process too easily destroyed by rampant toddlers and I've had a toddler in my house at least part of the year for the past 5 1/2 years. I still love to look at jewelry in stores and figure out in my mind how I can reconstruct them with my own materials. I think I made ONE pair of earrings last year.

A friend of mine, Caroline, recently started selling some of her creations. At first headbands and hair accessories and more recently she added on a one-of-a-kind jewelry section to her Etsy store. I really absolutely love some of the pieces I’ve checked out.

Here are a few of my favorites:

Biography: I’m Carrie and I'm a lifelong crafter. As a young girl I made art projects and collages pretty much every day. As a teenager I switched gears to knitting and jewelry-making. As a grown up I got busy with work and family (you know, life) and put my hobbies to the side. But eventually the call of my creative side was just too strong to ignore. I got back into the swing of things by making hair accessories; clips, headbands, hair ties. I even started an etsy.com shop to start selling some. After a while though, the lure of pretty beads and unique findings brought me full circle and I am happy to say I am making jewelry every spare second I have, and the digital shelves in my etsy shop have never been so full (or happy). When I have those shimmery beads laid out before me and a pair of round nose pliers in my hand, I feel complete. Whether a creative genius or part-time dabbler, I think it’s so important to have a creative outlet. Hope you enjoy mine!

For all orders placed to Carrie’s etsy store Tress Chic through Sunday, April 21^st, a $5 donation will be made the the Red Cross to support Boston. Pick up a nice gift for mother’s day, an anniversary, or birthday and help our neighbors at the same time.

Like Tress Chic on Facebook for new pieces, updates, and a 10% off discount that runs through the end of this month.

Worry Wrinkles

Kindergarten is hard. For me. I try so hard to not be "that Mom." The helicopter parent, the too-laid back parent, the parent of the kid that bites another student.

Sometimes a good eye-rubbing is in
order.

Yeah, that's me. I'm that Mom.
The thing is, I'm pretty sure it's all my fault. I've been going to school and spending a lot of time away from the kids. When I am home, I don't make time for individualized attention- it's always all three together and no one can get a word in edgewise. We're lucky if someone can spit out a whole sentence before another insists what they have to say takes precedence.

So, the "biting incident" was sort of a wake-up call. I called my husband on my way home from errands and told him to send our son outside. He was so excited when I told him we were going to have "Mommy and Richie time." We walked to the park, "Just for 10 minutes, it's getting late, buddy, and I have to do Mommy and Lily time, too."

"How about 30 minutes?"
"No buddy, just 10."
"Twenty?"
"How about 15?"
"Deal. Fifteen, yay!"
Gotta love a 5-year-old who knows how to haggle.

We swung on the swings for a minute. Then, the two of us had the exact same thought at the exact same time: we should go climb that big tree.  I am a nervous wreck when I let R2 climb trees, but I keep on suggesting it and okaying it- he loves it so much (like I did when I was a kid).

Today, he did a little better at school:
"How was your day, buddy? Was it a better day?"
"Yeah, it was better. No biting. I tried to get as many dollars as I could."
Then he asked if we could go to Boomer's (an arcade in our area). That's more of a weekend thing, so I suggested the park. He countered with, "Okay, how about right now?" My mother-in-law had the girls and Daddy was home to greet them when they returned so I said, "Deal."

This time, he went straight for the trees. I climbed up with him- filled with anxiety but trying desperately to hide it. My kid sees right through me, "Don't worry, Mom. I'm a big boy. I know how to climb a tree. I'm going to be careful."
"I know, buddy." I tried to change the expression on my face to anything other than worry. He climbed higher and I kept my hands centimeters away from his body, just in case.
"Don't help me, Mom. I can do it."
"I'm not helping, I know you can do it." He wanted to climb higher and he wanted me to go with him. So I did.

We sat in the tree and talked about photosynthesis and how plants and people benefit each other. We talked about our days. If you want to get this kid to talk, climb a tree with him. We stayed up there a while, maybe 30 minutes, just talking and laughing, and the anxiety was gone- for both of us.

When it was time to get down, it was back- that big monkey on my back that insists the worst is going to happen. I tried my best to conceal it, to no avail. I stood at the bottom of the tree, waiting to help R2 the rest of the way down, "Mom, don't be WORRIED. I am NOT going to fall."
"I'm not worried, honey."
"Yes you are, you have those bumps on your forehead."
"Oh, you mean my worry wrinkles are showing?"
"Yeah, your worry wrinkles."

Suddenly I realized where the three lines on my forehead came from- my "worry wrinkles."

April Fools for Kids

My husband comes to the patio as I do my Spanish homework and says, "I quit today." He almost got me. He recently had a disagreement with his boss and he says, "I just quit. I told her I'm done." Then I remembered what day it was and called him out and those cute little dimples appeared. 

I used to love this day as a kid. It was like the one freebie day when you could get away with crap your parents would have your ass for as long as it: 1) didn't hurt anyone 2) wasn't illegal 3) you said "April Fools!" after the incident.

So, I decided I should introduce April Fool's Day to my older two children. Right before bed time. Probably not the brightest idea (where have I heard myself say this before?). I explained the rules for April Fools Day (see above). "But why are you allowed to trick people today?" R2 asked, perhaps wondering if I was playing a trick on him. "It's just kind of like a holiday for being foolish, you get to do silly things and play tricks, BUT ONLY ON THIS DAY." Richie decided he wanted to play a trick on Daddy, we would tell him Simon was playing on his tablet, which he left on the floor. 

"He's on your tablet, hurry!"

Poor L heard us whispering and thought we were planning to trick her. That fierce little lady decided she would not stand for such mean behavior from her brother and sternly said, "That's it! I'm not talking to you any more, I'm going to walk away. I do not like that you are doing that." I quickly walked over to her and said, "Honey, he isn't trying to trick you or be mean to you, we're planning a trick for Daddy, do you want to help? And just so you know, I really like the way you handled that. When you thought your brother was being mean you used your words and acted like such a big girl. It's good to stand up for yourself." I gave her a hug, and she quickly got excited to hear our plans for Daddy.

So, Daddy is busy working on the computer. I tell L, "Okay, run up to Daddy, look very concerned, and tell him 'Quick, Daddy, Simon is playing on your tablet!"  She nails her line and Daddy says, "Can you just tell him to get off?" I whisper from the kitchen, "Say, 'No, Daddy, YOU! Hurry! Hurry!'" Cue R2. Imagine two small children yelling, "The cat! The cat! He's on your tablet, hurry! Hurry, Daddy!" Dad begrudgingly gets up out of his computer chair, pauses his work, and walks to the next room where he finds his tablet exactly where he left it- on the ground. All alone. No cat. "APRIL FOOLS!" L and R2 yelled.  

L then insisted that everyone have a turn doing tricks- Daddy pretended to go down an elevator into a secret room in the floor. The kids thought it was so hysterical they each took a trip "to the cellar" and squealed with excitement when Daddy came looking for them. They told me there was a bat on my face and I very appropriately played along and acted like a lunatic trying to get an invisible bat off of my nose. We pretended odd animals were in our house. It was a blast.

BONUS: Dad picked up his tablet and put it away.

I'm not Gonna Stand for it: How to get a Chair

That was funny, Mom!

The kids are all playing in their space ship: shooting lasers at aliens, transporting to shuttle crafts, and handling malfunctions. Daddy is sitting on the chair, playing on his tablet. I am picking up clothes and stuffed animals, when I'd much rather be shooting zombies with peas and cabbages.

"Can you get up for a second, honey?" I asked.
"Sure." He gets up and takes a few steps; I promptly sit down.

He's so into his game that it takes him a few seconds to realize what just happened. I get the look. The look that says, "Did you really just do that?"  

"Yeah, that just happened." Those are the only words that escape my mouth as I flash the most innocent smile imaginable. He smiled back and promptly went into the kitchen and started washing dishes. Best. Daddy. Ever.